Warning Signs of Predators for Parents

I would love to do nothing but write about the cute things my children do and say, but the sad reality is we need to protect our kids from evil, perverted people in this world, so information like the articles below can’t be shared often enough. It seems to be all over the news these days. I was just reading this morning that Jared the Subway spokesman is up on child porn charges and plans to plead guilty. And most of us have watched To Catch a Predator and been horrified about how common it is for grown men to solicit sex from kids online.

Aside from news stories, we all know someone personally who was molested, right? I know I do. So whatever we can do to prevent it from happening to our children or the children of others is a worthwhile use of our time.

The question in the article below that connected most with me was “Does a family friend always insist on “hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child, even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention?” 

That’s a tough one. My parents had friends who were always hugging and kissing me, and none of them ever molested me. So how does a parent separate a warm, affectionate person from a perverted child molester? My wife and I err on the side of caution. Any friends who are excessively physical with our kids, even if they don’t show any signs of not wanting physical attention, never get anywhere near our kids again. And we never leave our children alone with anyone. Why take the chance? I may not cut these friends out of my life, just in case I’m wrong about them. I don’t want to accuse someone wrongly if they’re just nice, lonely people who love kids. They may see me again socially, but they’ll never see my kids again. 

I had a lifelong friend who came by one day and, within moments of being introduced to my new baby daughter, started whispering some kind of high-speed chant in her ear while she sat in his lap. It was like one of those soundtracks you hear in demonic horror movies when someone is about to get killed. I only saw this friend about once a year because we live in different countries so I had no idea what he was into. For all I knew, he could have become a Satanist or Voodoo witch doctor since last time I saw him and was putting some kind of ancient whammy on her. So I told him whatever he was doing looked creepy and weird and to knock it off. He said he was whispering to soothe the baby, but the baby was already happy and calm. Weird. He got ticked off and we haven’t spoken since. Whatever. Good riddance. I don’t think he was a molester, just weird, but again, I’m not taking any chances with my kids. I only have one chance to get this right. If any of my friends, especially friends who don’t have kids of their own, (like the excessive hugger and the curse chanter) don’t understand that, as Powers Boothe said in Tombstone, “Well . . . bye.” I’d rather have less friends I can trust than a bunch that are insensitive to my (or any parent’s) concerns. I don’t need company that badly.

I’ve always been shocked by how common child molestation is. Here’s some information from victimsofcrime.org

Child Sexual Abuse Statistics

The prevalence of child sexual abuse is difficult to determine because it is often not reported; experts agree that the incidence is far greater than what is reported to authorities. CSA is also not uniformly defined, so statistics may vary. Statistics below represent some of the research done on child sexual abuse.

• 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
• Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
• During a one-year period in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
• Over the course of their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
• Children are most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13.

According to a 2003 National Institute of Justice report, 3 out of 4 adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well.

A Bureau of Justice Statistics report shows 1.6 % (sixteen out of one thousand) of children between the ages of 12-17 were victims of rape/sexual assault.

A study conducted in 1986 found that 63% of women who had suffered sexual abuse by a family member also reported a rape or attempted rape after the age of 14. Recent studies in 2000, 2002, and 2005 have all concluded similar results.

Children who had an experience of rape or attempted rape in their adolescent years were 13.7 times more likely to experience rape or attempted rape in their first year of college.

A child who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. The child may become withdrawn and mistrustful of adults, and can become suicidal.

Children who do not live with both parents as well as children living in homes marked by parental discord, divorce, or domestic violence, have a higher risk of being sexually abused.

In the vast majority of cases where there is credible evidence that a child has been penetrated, only between 5 and 15% of those children will have genital injuries consistent with sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse is not solely restricted to physical contact; such abuse could include non contact abuse, such as exposure, voyeurism, and child pornography.

Compared to those with no history of sexual abuse, young males who were sexually abused were five times more likely to cause teen pregnancy, three times more likely to have multiple sexual partners and two times more likely to have unprotected sex, according to the study published online and in the June print issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Below is the article referenced above by Jennifer O’Neill, a writer for Yahoo Parenting. 

How can you tell if someone has ulterior motives for wanting to get closer to your child? An expert identifies three red flags you want to watch out for.

News about sexual offenders is dominating the headlines — most recently about Subway pitchman Jared Fogle, who is reportedly planning to plead guilty to child porn charges and crossing state lines to pay for sex with minors, and admitted teen molester Josh Duggar. 

But parents who assume their child could never be a victim should know that the reality is nine out of 10 children who are sexually abused are victimized by someone they know — including relatives, family friends, clergy, teachers, and babysitters, according to the National Children’s Advocacy Center (NCAC). 

“The offender usually uses coercion and manipulation, not physical force, to engage the child,” reports the American Academy of Pediatrics in a sexual abuse prevention tip sheet for parents. Deborah Callins, prevention director at the NCAC, tells Yahoo Parenting, “They take advantage of a child’s natural curiosity.” So how can mothers and fathers identify the close people most likely to have ulterior motives, or who might want to take advantage of your child? Here are a few simple ways to see the red flags that are often right in front of you: 

Take cues from your kids.
“Parents can protect their children by being better listeners,” she says. “Are they hearing what their child is actually meaning? If a child states he or she doesn’t want to spend time with a particular person, the parents may assume their child thinks the person is boring. But the real message the child might be trying to send is that the person makes him or her feel uncomfortable.” So stop a moment and try to really get to the heart of the matter before you insist that little Madison drive to the park with Uncle Jim to play on the swings if she’s dragging her feet. “Your children could be sending you little hints,” explains Callins. “You need to dig a little for more information.” 

Consider whether someone seems to be ‘testing’ your child’s ability to protect himself. 
Does a family friend always insist on “hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child, even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention?” asks sexual abuse prevention organization Stop It Now! in its resource sheet, Behaviors to Watch Out for When Adults are With Children. Such seemingly innocuous behaviors indicate that the adult is ignoring a child’s social, emotional and physical boundaries — and that’s a big red flag. 

Take note if a person is sexually suggestive around your kid.

If someone always tends to point out sexual images, or tells dirty or suggestive jokes in the presence of kids, take heed, suggests Stop It Now! That goes for comments about a child’s “developing body” or a teen’s dating details, too. “It may be nothing, or it may be a warning signal that the person is grooming your child,” explains Callins. He or she may be trying to figure out how curious your child is about sex, how much they know about it, and whether they may be willing to participate in it. “Perhaps the parent doesn’t even realize that it’s an issue — ‘Oh, that’s just how my cousin is,’ or ‘That’s just how he talks,’” she says. “But it could also be a test.” 

Callins advises removing your child from such a situation if it makes you or your kid uncomfortable, and then talking about it separately afterward with both the person and your child. “That way, it’s out in the air,” she says. And that way there’s no question about your boundaries — and whether you’ll be aware if somebody tries to cross them.

Link to story – https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/warning-signs-of-predators-for-parents-127261332922.html

(Photo by Corbis Images)